Thursday, March 25, 2010
transitioning from fitting in to standing out
used to be one of my favorites, will always love it....
i've come to realize this is yet another transition period in my life, figuring out who i trust, who i want to trust, and what relationships just wont work... My spring break starts tomorrow, cant wait to see what i has in store for me. i plan on spending many days in the park, many night inebriated, hopefully i meet some new cool people, but yeah whatever we will see.
Finishing season one of skins tonight...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
to make everybody happy i think that i would need a clone
wokeuplate. story of my life. Blasting depressing music doesn't help either, maybe i should put on some ABBA.
I know this feeling i've felt it before. I dont know how to get out of this slump, i've been in it for years now. Snow (hey oh) by rhcp is back to being my favorite song. "more i see the less i know the more i'd like to let it go". I really would love to know how to let it go or whatever the fuck that means, like how can i really step away from it all. I have all these plans in my head to just get out forget the world and start over. But is that even possible? My mom always told me everyday is a clean slate as long as i never killed some one. I will still have the burdens of my memories, good and bad no matter where i am. ill finish this later the day is young
I chilled in the sun alone for a good hour, that was neccecary. Collecting my thoughts and what not i fucks with that.
I know this feeling i've felt it before. I dont know how to get out of this slump, i've been in it for years now. Snow (hey oh) by rhcp is back to being my favorite song. "more i see the less i know the more i'd like to let it go". I really would love to know how to let it go or whatever the fuck that means, like how can i really step away from it all. I have all these plans in my head to just get out forget the world and start over. But is that even possible? My mom always told me everyday is a clean slate as long as i never killed some one. I will still have the burdens of my memories, good and bad no matter where i am. ill finish this later the day is young
I chilled in the sun alone for a good hour, that was neccecary. Collecting my thoughts and what not i fucks with that.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
yeaaaa blogging
I didn't sleep sunday night... instead i watched the show Skins. Its amazing its degrassi, but real drama sex and drugs. My favorite girl character is Cassie, and my favorite boy character is Tony. P
I thankfully slept from 5pm monday night to 740 this morning...much needed. I felt and still feel great. I might send this blog out...i dont know yet. i EVEN twat/twitter now im a huge faggito i guess.
I ordered some kicks on the internets i can not wait to go shoppping!!!!!
I'm in literature class right now and im writing this post so i can look productive.
i'll add more lataaaa
Sunday, March 21, 2010
first
ok this is gonna be my first post im gonna publish, kind of pointless because im not gonna send this out to people but i'd like to document whats going on in my head...just in case....
im 17,i live in brooklyn ny, and im pretty much your average teenager. There are times i think im smarter than most, and times i think im the stupidest person on the planet. I like to drink, and smoke ciggarette(since i was 12), my interest in pot changes by the day. I'm not particularly close with either of my parents and they have no authority over me, im not the kind of person who thinks" what would my mom say right now?" I don't have a hobby or a boyfriend which kinddddddd of sucks but then again i never liked anything/anyone enough to have either.
I'm really close to my cousin who moved to new jersey this summer, she has a two year old boy who i can honestly say gives me hope. I can't explain why but hes so beautiful and happy and its just amazing. The fact that she moved to new jersey infuriates me, she hardly comes to the city because she has a kid and her schedule blahblablah. I need to make the effort, and i dont make the effort with most things.
i am a registered student at the Institute for Collaborative Education, i havent written a paper in probably 4 years. I havent done homework in maybe 6. I have missed over 75 days of school already this year. I finally have friends in school but i just can't wake up most days. My sophmore year i didnt get out of bed because i saw no purpose in life in itself, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and i dont know shit just wasn't going right. whatever ill get back to that because its important. All my teachers say im really fucking smart, in fact my whole life every adult has just told me how fucking smart i am after maybe 20 minutes of talking to me. I have yet to prove that statement to myself because i don't think i've ever completed anything. The only book i recall reading front to back is catcher in the rye, i always skip pages of just stop half way through.I left rehab early and that landed me in some shit a few years later. i always do well for a little bit and crash harder than i have before its a vicious cycle. I have literally 15 drafts in this blog that i never completed. i used to cut school alone and walk around the city alone, i had a million conversations planned out in my head, i would also replay my memories to the point i just needed to stop thinking. One would say my use of drugs was to medicate that "need" ehhhhh...
I am such a caring person im a sucker, if i give you the time of day im gonna look after you always, i have had some falling outs with friends but i swear if they came to me saying "emma i had the worse day ever" i would feel compelled to help them. I really do love alot of people, im lucky to have as many close friends as i do in this city full of stupid people.
I also really love coffee...with ciggarettes or without...
im gonna jot down more self observations another time hoepfully i dnt forget about this...
Under the bridge by the red hot chilli peppers depicts how i feel right now but id changeone line
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, THIS BIG ROTTEN APPLE
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses the winded
I never worried, now that is a lie
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
im 17,i live in brooklyn ny, and im pretty much your average teenager. There are times i think im smarter than most, and times i think im the stupidest person on the planet. I like to drink, and smoke ciggarette(since i was 12), my interest in pot changes by the day. I'm not particularly close with either of my parents and they have no authority over me, im not the kind of person who thinks" what would my mom say right now?" I don't have a hobby or a boyfriend which kinddddddd of sucks but then again i never liked anything/anyone enough to have either.
I'm really close to my cousin who moved to new jersey this summer, she has a two year old boy who i can honestly say gives me hope. I can't explain why but hes so beautiful and happy and its just amazing. The fact that she moved to new jersey infuriates me, she hardly comes to the city because she has a kid and her schedule blahblablah. I need to make the effort, and i dont make the effort with most things.
i am a registered student at the Institute for Collaborative Education, i havent written a paper in probably 4 years. I havent done homework in maybe 6. I have missed over 75 days of school already this year. I finally have friends in school but i just can't wake up most days. My sophmore year i didnt get out of bed because i saw no purpose in life in itself, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and i dont know shit just wasn't going right. whatever ill get back to that because its important. All my teachers say im really fucking smart, in fact my whole life every adult has just told me how fucking smart i am after maybe 20 minutes of talking to me. I have yet to prove that statement to myself because i don't think i've ever completed anything. The only book i recall reading front to back is catcher in the rye, i always skip pages of just stop half way through.I left rehab early and that landed me in some shit a few years later. i always do well for a little bit and crash harder than i have before its a vicious cycle. I have literally 15 drafts in this blog that i never completed. i used to cut school alone and walk around the city alone, i had a million conversations planned out in my head, i would also replay my memories to the point i just needed to stop thinking. One would say my use of drugs was to medicate that "need" ehhhhh...
I am such a caring person im a sucker, if i give you the time of day im gonna look after you always, i have had some falling outs with friends but i swear if they came to me saying "emma i had the worse day ever" i would feel compelled to help them. I really do love alot of people, im lucky to have as many close friends as i do in this city full of stupid people.
I also really love coffee...with ciggarettes or without...
im gonna jot down more self observations another time hoepfully i dnt forget about this...
Under the bridge by the red hot chilli peppers depicts how i feel right now but id changeone line
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, THIS BIG ROTTEN APPLE
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses the winded
I never worried, now that is a lie
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
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